Waiting…

“Afterward, the seven hundred people in the boats had nothing to do but wait… wait to die, wait to live, wait for an absolution which would never come.” – Rose Dawson, Titanic 1997

We are all waiting for something. Waiting to get off work. Waiting for the bell to ring. Waiting for the check to come. Waiting for lunchtime. We’re so used to it now that I doubt many of us even think about it anymore. I know that I never gave it much thought, it was just a part of life, familiar. Comfortable even. But I never could have imagined the agony of what it’s like to wait while you are pregnant.

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I’m currently waiting. My belly is huge. The ultrasounds have come and gone. So has the baby shower. I’ve been amused and terrified by the countless childbirth stories. I could fill a book with the advice I’ve gotten. But still no baby. I’m waiting.

It’s not like the baby hasn’t made it clear that he/she is waiting (and impatiently!) too. Every day I feel the kicks and headbutts that let me know that my child is ready to come into this world. They hurt, and this scares me because I know that it’s nothing compared to what I’ll be feeling soon if my natural birth goes as planned. So I’m just… waiting.

All of this incessant waiting has given me a lot of time to think. I think about the countless others who are waiting, perhaps even more impatiently than I. My aunt recently broke her kneecap and she is out of work for at least 3 months. She says that she cannot wait to be able to walk again, the pain is unbearable. Both physically and emotionally- she is the sole breadwinner in her household. An old acquaintance is currently serving a 3+ year jail sentence for a crime he did not commit. He struggles to find someone to write him, to help the time go by. My grandmother constantly talks about waiting to die, she has already said her goodbyes to her children and grandchildren. We are all just waiting.

Rushing is the opposite of waiting. Some people would rather live their lives rushing. Rushing to work, to the grocery store, rushing to talk. Rushing others. It doesn’t seem to be a good way to live either. I will try to live in the moment as much as I can. I know that my time will come, I don’t know when, but I might as well just make the most of now while I can.

There’s no point in wasting a lifetime just waiting.

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About spreadamor

I want to spread love far and wide

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