It came as a surprise. Before I knew it my ordinary life was turned upside down and violently shaken into something you only hear about in movies. I had had my share of shocks and surprises in life, but none like this. A wonderful gift, a baby, for me.
Up until now I have struggled with direction, many times wondering about my purpose in life. My determination had been faltering recently, and I felt aimless and lost. Then I began to feel sick (hmm, I wonder why?) and I felt even worse. But sometimes, when you are at your darkest hour a light is sent your way to help guide you. It is quite remarkable really. When it was confirmed to me that I wasn’t just sick, and that instead I would be sprouting a new life from my umbilical cord everything changed, which of course was to be expected. I feel… hopeful. Vibrant. Alive. In spite of everything else that comes with children and parenting; the fears, the worries, the rearranging of your whole life to take care of something that can be cupped into your hands, I can’t help but be overcome with a huge, welling sensation of love. Complete, wholesome, absolute, unfaltering love! I know that the road ahead is tough, but somehow everything seems to make sense at the moment. I know it will be okay, and I am not afraid. It’s funny, I always thought it was so cliche when parents would say things like “my children are my world” or “I have never been happier than when I had my child”. I would think to myself, okay well you have to say that! They’re you’re kids! But it’s true, creating life, even though I myself am only halfway through, has been one of the most satisfying and beautiful processes I could ever imagine.
I constantly find myself daydreaming about the future now. I could spend hours looking up cool things for us to do, cute things to buy, and smart investments I can make to ensure that this bubbly little creature gently kicking and punching in my uterus has everything that they (he? she?) will ever need. Just like that the color has come back into my life. Am I dreaming? Somebody pinch me!
Suddenly every disappointment, every painful event, every uncontrollable crying session, is all worth it, for a wonderful gift has been bestowed upon me. I think that the gift, the thing that makes you jump out of bed in the morning, that makes you keep going back to that job you hate, that makes you smile even when no one is around, that gift is what everybody needs to live… to thrive! Its different for everybody. And I think that It coincides very closely with love. You have to love it in order for it to be meaningful, and in order to love it wholeheartedly you first must love yourself… Sound familiar?